


The Infinite Ocean

by pyrrhic_victoly



Series: Ephemera [3]
Category: Kyou Kara Maou
Genre: Angst, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Soul Bond, Star-crossed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-12
Updated: 2012-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-31 07:32:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrrhic_victoly/pseuds/pyrrhic_victoly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reaching for eternity in a transient world.</p><p>A side story to "Ephemera".</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Infinite Ocean

Cecelie von Spitzweg, the 26th Maou, had been famous for her constant cruising which she called her Free and Easy Quest for Love. Rumors abounded among the citizenry that their previous sovereign had started something of a tradition for leaders of Shin Makoku to take to the seas when the pressures of the job got to be too much. But where Shibuya Yuuri, the 27th Maou, chose to go on vacation, or what he did once there, was always a mystery. He was much more low-key than his predecessor; he refused to take a royal vessel unless traveling on diplomatic missions.

Conrad turned his head at the opening of the cabin door.

"Good morning, Yuuri."

"Hey! Are you ready for another day of excitement, adventure, and really wild things?"

"I'm not sure how wild we can get at our age," he responded with a wry, teasing smile.

Yuuri smirked back. "Oh, you'd be surprised..."

There was a mischievous gleam in his dark eyes that, had they both been a bit younger, would have caused them to flush with guilt and embarrassment. It was one thing for Conrad to have made a few innuendo-laden comments before Yuuri's relationship with Wolfram had solidified. It was another thing entirely for the king in his prime to toy with his loyal soldier's heart when he was already dedicated to his lovely fiancé. But that was then, and the past was past. Now, Conrad figured that old men had a right to make dirty jokes once in a while. Wasn't it better to admit that there had been a "maybe" between them than to go on fooling themselves to the end?

Conrad leaned on the railing, gazing out toward the sea. The spray of saltwater on his face and the smell of wide open spaces were some of his favorite things. Yuuri loved them too, and when Conrad thought of how happy Yuuri would get to be sailing again, free from his duties for just a little while... When he saw Yuuri's shining face, it was all okay. This was one of those things that had never stopped being one of _their_ things, just for two. It was fine, he told himself, that the window of opportunity for "maybe" had lapsed.

The ship's gentle rocking continued on, its rhythm regular but never boring. It was just like the two old men who watched it. They, who had spent a lifetime together, would never tire of each other's company. Always there, the presence of each to the other was as steady as the ocean's heartbeat.

"Someone's coming," Yuuri said, jerking at the sound of footsteps. "Should we practice?"

"The same story as last time? If so, I believe we've had those roles down for years, _Master Mitsuemon_."

"Well, _Kaku-san_ , it's the first time I've actually had a trunk of silks in the cabin in case anyone on board would like to see them."

Yuuri nodded to himself with pride. Conrad couldn't help but want to tease him.

"It's your first time bringing your wares along on a business trip? But how long have you been a merchant, sire?"

The footsteps approached but then faded away, and danger was averted. Yuuri, who'd had no comeback, breathed a sigh of relief as he resumed viewing the waves. "I'm a horrible fake merchant. Someone's going to catch on to us one of these days. We can't keep using the same names forever, you know? Do you think we should switch things up a bit, Kaku-san?"

"With all due respect, Master Mitsuemon, I don't see why we should. These aliases have always served us well. If we haven't been caught after all these years, I don't see them cluing in anytime soon."

Yuuri nodded in acceptance. It wasn't as if they had all that much time left for it to be worth it to concoct a new story. And, in Conrad's opinion, nothing they came up with at this point would be as meaningful as what they already had. The thought of retiring these personas was vaguely unsettling, as if they would be saying goodbye to old friends.

"But Kaku-san is getting too old to play Kaku-san," Yuuri said. "You've started graying at the temples, and Mitsuemon's the only one who's supposed to have white hair."

"Shall I dye it or wear a wig, Your Majesty?" his faithful servant said with a wink.

"Ha! Did you just break character? I win this round, Conrad!"

They laughed, but to Conrad it was half-hearted. Break character? If he could have broken character... If he had thought, for even a moment that anything other than pain would come of it, he would have done that long ago. Oh, so long ago.

"And call me Yuuri!"

 

 

They were things he could not bring himself to say aloud.

_I have been blessed to know and love you in two lives. May we meet again in the next._

_I belong with you. Nothing can keep me from returning to your side._

_Always and forever, I will love you, I will cherish you, I will be yours..._

There were things he was afraid to speak even in the confines of his own mind.

_I have held this hopeless love for you through two lives, and I will gladly suffer it again in two more._

_You belong with me. I long to make you mine even now._

_I will be yours, and you will be mine..._

No, no! Conrad clutched at Yuuri's hand, feeling the familiar weight of it as he pushed the dark thoughts away. Yuuri, as king, belonged to the entire nation. Yuuri, as himself, belonged to no one but himself, and it was Conrad who had always fought for him to be free. Whether it had been Gwendal, Stoffel, Belar, or Saralegui who sought to use Yuuri as the front for their political machinations, Conrad had always been there to cut the strings away before Yuuri could be bound.

Why, then, was he losing this battle to _himself_ , of all possible opponents?

"Conrad, I want you to have this."

"Yuuri," he said. It was barely a whisper.

But Yuuri's eyes, even as they slowly dimmed, said that he knew everything. He knew of Conrad's darkness. He knew of the pangs of selfishness that Conrad had felt over the years; about how there were times when Conrad wanted nothing more than to hold Yuuri to himself and never let go, never let anything come between them and damn the consequences! All the things that Conrad could never bring himself to say over the years, and all the jumbled feelings he didn't even have the words for... Yuuri knew.

In the last moments of their flickering bond, their souls reached out for each other and there was a hope transmitted, with perfect clarity, between them. This was what Yuuri's soul said to his:

There had been times where Yuuri had wanted the same things; where Yuuri had also felt the desire to monopolize Conrad and to flee from the rest of the world. There were even regrets that they hadn't been more courageous, or perhaps more selfish, in pursuing a relationship with each other. There were regrets that they had never taken the risk of just sailing off together as Kaku-san and Mitsuemon, together forever, always searching for their next big adventure.

But the events that had passed were all right in their own way. It didn't matter what kind of relationship they had or would have had or could have had. Perhaps they were destined always to meet after one had already fallen in love or gotten engaged to someone else. Perhaps they would never be true lovers, but remain forever star-crossed. It didn't matter. As long as their souls existed, they would feel drawn to one another in that same inexplicable way that led them to become the best of friends twice over in a love that spanned at least the two lifetimes that they knew of, and that had cut through the very fabric of time and space. Whatever happened in the next life, they promised to find each other again.

The message received, they smiled one last time and thought, perhaps, perhaps...

Half-formed promises lingered in the air. Before they could be breathed into reality, Conrad felt it. Yuuri. His light. Vanished. And all was dark but for the blue hope that lay there where it had been pressed to Conrad's palm.

Conrad couldn't bring himself to leave until it was dawn. His back was stiff as he slowly lifted himself from the bedside chair.

"They say that all good things must come to an end," he said. "I've never been able to accept that, at least not when it came to you. We will meet again."

He pressed a tender kiss to Yuuri's temple. His own wrinkled hand lay against a wrinkled cheek, and he smoothed his thumb across those lips that had never been his.

It was not the end. Their bond could not, would not ever end.

 

 

Yuuri had been sick for a long time, and Conrad despaired every day. He tried to think of other things, really, but his thoughts would always unconsciously return to his most important person. Conrad thought that he might never get to be by Yuuri's side like before, but then Yuuri made a miraculous recovery from his illness.

They met again many times after that, though usually it was at night. During the day, they were both so busy with work that they couldn't often steal away enough time to meet. But it had been a ritual they'd had for years to play catch by moonlight, so they were used to it.

"Good evening, Your Majesty."

"Again with the formalities, Conrad? It's Yuuri!"

He graced Yuuri with a brilliant smile as they strode through the courtyard, and it was hesitantly, almost shyly, that he made a request of his king. "Yuuri, I... Would it be possible for us to meet more often?"

"Only if you call me Yuuri from now on. I don't care who's around - you have to use my given name at all times!"

Eagerly, perhaps too eagerly, Conrad acquiesced. And they played catch.

The morning after that, Yuuri peeked around the corner as Conrad exited his room. He was beautiful today, as always.

"Good morning, Yuuri."

"Morning, Conrad."

It was then that Wolfram burst out from his hiding spot behind a marble column. He stalked up briskly, boots angrily clacking across the stone floor, and gripped Conrad's collar with his fingers bloodless and shaking.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" he shouted, voice trembling.

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean!"

"Whoa. Calm down, Wolf. Why are you attacking Conrad all of a sudden?"

When Wolfram didn't let go at Yuuri's plea, Conrad frowned. He knew Wolfram was hot-headed, and even though the years had mellowed him out, he also knew that Yuuri was a necessary calming influence. It was strange for his brother not to listen to Yuuri.

Conrad looked over at Yuuri, whose mouth was open in shock. Wolfram turned to look, too, but then he shook his head and said, "Stop it, Conrad. There's nothing there."

"Yuuri–"

"Stop it! He's _dead_! He's dead and he's never coming back, don't you understand?"

"What? I'm not dead, you guys..."

Conrad met Yuuri's infectious smile with one of his own. "I don't know what you mean by all of this, Wolfram, but you shouldn't speak that way about Yuuri when he's right here."

Wolfram abruptly turned his back on Conrad so as not to show his weakness. He muffled his cry into his sleeve, the strangled sound coming across as desperate lamentation. It was only for a few seconds, and then Wolfram composed himself to face his brother anew.

He pulled away from his sleeve, which was stained with tears.

"Conrad?" Wolfram asked softly. He reached out to clasp his brother's arm. "Listen to me. Look at Yuuri. Is he wearing the pendant?"

"What? Of course." Conrad was growing confused now. He could see that Yuuri was frowning as the young man brought his hand up to touch the trinket. It was glowing softly.

Wolfram let out a shaky exhalation. "Good. Okay. If Yuuri is wearing the pendant, then what is this?"

Conrad felt his brother's fingers brush along the leather cord at his neck, and even though a part of him was screaming that this was all a trick - a lie - he clenched his fists at his sides and looked down.

The blue stone gleamed as beautifully as always, and Conrad moved to grasp it. It was unnaturally warm in his palm as he brought his eyes back up to meet Yuuri's. Yuuri closed his eyes, nodded tiredly at Conrad, and faded away.

With Yuuri's retreat, the fog in Conrad's mind cleared and the sudden return of the pain in his chest threatened to crush his lungs. Like a splash of cold water on the cheek, the weight of the fathomless ocean dragged his heart down to where no light could reach.

He was awake.

"I'm sorry," he said to Wolfram, "I don't know what came over me."

 

 

The pendant was his hope on a string. Blue, "Lion Blue", as Yuuri had called it. It was blue like the ocean, and blue like Yuuri's favorite baseball team. Conrad turned it over and over in his hands, running it over his knuckles and between his fingers. It seemed to grow brighter the more he smoothed it over his palm. There were times when it would shimmer and flash with what little maryoku was buried within, and it was then that Yuuri would appear.

In his moments of clarity, Conrad knew that what he was seeing was only a shade of what had been. This magical stone had been close to Yuuri's heart for so many decades, and of course Yuuri had imprinted himself upon it. But the truth couldn't stop him from hoping.

He turned the stone over. He turned it again. The world grew dimmer, but the stone grew brighter until all he could see was warmth and light as he sank into the ocean's embrace.

"Hello, Yuuri. I missed you."

**Author's Note:**

> The original working title for this was "Mono no Aware", which I wrote and scrapped and rewrote and scrapped again. It went through a total overhaul many times. (I'm still not completely satisfied with it, and I doubt I ever will be.) The original version focused more on the theme of "transience", but that was already the main theme of the series. They all have a secondary theme, too. The first was about remembrance; the second was about moving on. But "Mono no Aware" was suffering from a lack of substance in that regard, so I gave it the theme of "eternity", which I feel is a lot more in line with the reincarnation bond between Conrad and Yuuri, and that's how it turned out this way.
> 
> Each of the brothers had their own chapter and, in a way, their own unique love for Yuuri. Gwendal's love was a love of the mind, borne of respect for Yuuri's ideals. Wolfram's love was a passionate affair of the body and the heart. And Conrad's love is a love of the soul - hard to define (much less pin down), changing across lives, but also eternal. I hope I was able to convey that feeling.


End file.
